A Collection of Merlin Odds n' Ends and Drabbles
by LadyGuhGah
Summary: What it says on the tin. May have explicit-like content in future additions. Mostly Merlin/Arthur, some individual characters
1. Pet Names

**Disclaimer: **Nope, not mine, no way. I'm not the BBC, are you the BBC?

**Author's Note: **This is my first ever attempt at a drabble! I thought I was gonna have like, so much trouble with it, but before I knew it, there were a hundred perfect words. Yay!

**Summary**: So, this is just where I'm gonna dump my little half ideas and plot bunnies. And attempt drabbles.

**Warnings: **None, for this drabble. Maybe future ones, but for now it's safe.

-----

"Hey Arthur, why don't we have pet names for each other?" Merlin asked suddenly on a Sunday afternoon, of which the majority was spent lazing around his flat with Arthur.

"That's a stupid question," Arthur answered, not looking up from the magazine he was reading, his feet kicked up on the coffee table.

"No it's not, it's a very reasonable question I demand to know the answer to," Merlin replied indignantly.

"Fine, I'll call you Snookums Wookums Bear, and you can call me your Solid Rock of Handsome Man," Arthur deadpanned. Merlin was fighting the urge to smile.

"Prat."

"Idiot."


	2. Merlin See, Merlin Do

**Disclaimer: **Not mine at all. A girl could wish, though? SIGH. Fine, keep it BBC.

**Author's Note: **I had some problems with this one. I just never want to stop writing. I have a problem with that. I write too much. Writing drabbles is a practice in patience and control for me.

**Summary**: Merlin takes what Arthur says too literally.

**Warnings: **None, yet. YET.

Merlin had been odd all day. This morning, when he brought Arthur his breakfast, he sat in the chair opposite him. When Arthur picked up his fork, Merlin picked up his. When Arthur ate his eggs, Merlin ate his eggs.

After practice, the Knights were tired, but Arthur wasn't, so he cajoled Merlin into some 'friendly' practice.

Every time Arthur struck, Merlin struck. When Arthur blocked, Merlin blocked.

"What _are _you doing, Merlin?"

"Well, the other day, after I dropped your armor, you called me clumsy, and said I should be more like you."

"Merlin, you really are an idiot."


	3. Dental Hijinks

**Disclaimer: **Nope, not mine, no way. I'm not the BBC, are you the BBC?

**Author's Note: **Third drabble. I think the next addition to this collection will be a little longer and short story-ish. In the loving memory of Shelly, my best friend since I was six, and my favorite aquatic reptile ever.

**Summary**: Arthur should _really _start watching what toothbrush he grabs.

**Warnings: **Nada! Unless you count references to RL, and reptilian hygiene a squick.

------

"Arthur!" Merlin called from the bathroom, sounding not at all happy, "Have you been using my green toothbrush again?"

Really, Merlin was quite anal about dental hygiene, Arthur thought. He had at least three different tooth brushes. And so what if Arthur didn't particularly care to look as he grabbed a tooth brush from the cup. He and Merlin swapped a lot more than saliva on a regular basis.

"Yeah, so what?"

"That's the toothbrush I use to clean Pudsey's shell," Merlin said, standing in the doorway to the bathroom, holding the offending item in his hand.

"Your turtle?"

"Yup."


	4. Love Letters 1

**Disclaimer: **Nope, not mine, no way. I'm not the BBC, are you the BBC?

**Author's Note: **This is what you'd call, I guess, a double drabble. 200 words. IDK, I'm new to all this. I also really like writing letters from characters' perspectives.

**Summary**: Arthur has a proposal for Merlin.

**Warnings: **Rien! Nada! Nothin'!

-------

'_M,_

_Today, I need you to clean my chambers spotless, top to bottom, until I can see my face in the floors._

_A.'_

'_A,_

_You do realize your floors are stone, and thus you will be unable to see your face in them, no matter how hard I scrub?_

_M._

_P.S. Why are you writing this in a letter? I'm right next to you.'_

'_M,_

_Shut up. You and your logic. Don't ask questions, just do.'_

'_A,_

_I feel ridiculous, and we're wasting ink.'_

'_M,_

_I'd rather you be wasting water while cleaning my floors, thank you.'_

'_A,_

_Why do you need your floors so clean?_

_P.S. You are a prat.'_

'_Merlin,_

_I have read your most recent letter, and I've come to the conclusion that you believe I am a prat. While I politely disagree, I respect your opinions._

_I will now address your question: I plan on having a permanent resident moved into my chambers tonight, and I want it to be spotless for him._

_Sincerely,_

_Your Prince,_

_Arthur.'_

'_A,_

_Who in the world would want to live with you?'_

'_Dear Merlin,_

_I formerly propose that you come live with me, in my chambers._

_Love,_

_Arthur.'_

'_I accept.'_


	5. Merlin's Turn to Pick a Movie

**Disclaimer: **Nope, not mine, no way. I'm not the BBC, are you the BBC?

**Author's Note: **So. I love Rent. I love it to bits and pieces. And thusly, Arthur and Merlin must love Rent because I love Rent. Don't knock my logic.

**Summary**: It's Merlin's night to pick a movie.

**Warnings: **Ignorant movie watching.

-----

"So…everyone in this movie has AIDS?"

"Ah, no, Arthur. Just shut up and watch, yeah?"

5 minutes later:

"Ohh, so just the _blokes _have AIDS."

"_Arthur, _no."

10 minutes later:

"Why am I watching this again?"

"Because it's my night to pick a movie and I'm sick of watching explosions in slow motion."

45 minutes later:

"So, wait, _he _got AIDS from his girlfriend, and _he _was dating a lesbian?"

"Please, shut up."

One hour later:

"No! He can't die!"

"…Tissue, please."

End:

"That was…surprisingly good."

"Yeah."

The next night:

"…_of looooove!"_

"What were you just singing in the shower?"


	6. The Great List Switch

**Disclaimer: **BBC own 'em, I just play with 'em.

**Author's Note: **I find that I quite enjoy writing drabbles! It's a nice little break from writing the longer stories (like my new one called 'Saving Camelot.' Look for it soon! The description is in my profile.)

**Summary**: Arthur can be really careless sometimes.

**Warnings: **Naughty items mentioned. –giggle-

---

After the first dozen times Arthur had forgotten what he was supposed to be getting at the grocery, Merlin started making lists for him. He'd leave them on the fridge, right next to the list of their, ahem, special needs.

Arthur had handed the list over at the store thoughtlessly, like he always did. He normally trusted the attendant to tell him where everything was, like always. But this time the attendant only stared at him, with his mouth gaping. Arthur looked at the list in his hand:

'_Lube_

_Condoms_

_That edible body paint you like so much_

_New gag'_


	7. Freeing the Dragon

**Disclaimer: **Me writer, BBC owner. Ooh ooh, ah ah.

**Author's Note: **I just watched the audio commentary for ep. 12 of season two, and suddenly I was struck with inspiration for this drabble. And Katie is truly the bestest commentator ever, with all her slashy fangirlishness.

**Summary**: Arthur misconceives the meaning behind Merlin's words.

**Warnings: **Spoilers for episode 12, season 2! You've been warned!

---

Merlin was breathing heavily as he ascended the stairs from the dungeons. He wiped sweat from his brow, and nearly fell as he reached the hall outside of the entrance to the dungeons. It was finally done.

"Merlin! What're you doing?" Merlin jerked at the sound of Arthur's voice, eyes wide.

He was utterly exhausted, and before he knew what he was saying, he said, "I was just freeing the dragon."

Arthur's brows arched way up and he grinned slowly. He took in Merlin's flushed appearance and sweaty forehead and rumpled clothing, "Ohh, is that what they're calling it nowadays?"


	8. Caring Words

**Disclaimer: **All likenesses to any characters of the TV show Merlin belong to the BBC, or whatevs.

**Author's Note: **An all dialogue drabble. I love banter. Banter is my favorite!

**Summary**: Merlin said that Arthur doesn't show he cares enough.

**Warnings: **Nopey nope.

---

"What're you reading, Merlin?"

"A book."

"I see that. _What _book are you reading?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Yes, I would, that's why I'm asking."

"Why do you care, Arthur? You've never cared what I was reading before."

"Maybe I don't care."

"Then why are you asking?"

"I'm curious?"

"Was that a question or a statement?"

"Shut up, just tell me what you're reading."

"A book on how to lance boils that Gaius gave me to study."

"Ew."

"Yeah, are you happy now?"

"Are _you_?"

"Am I what?"

"_Happy_, Merlin."

"Yeah."

"Good, I've shown I care, now kiss me."


	9. Love Letter 2

**Disclaimer:** BBC owns 'em, I just play with 'em.

**Author's Note**: More love letters!

**Summary:** Merlin is sick of Arthur's "subtle" hints.

**Warnings**: Naughty suggestion –eyebrow waggle-

---

'_Arthur,_

_Will you please stop leaving your dirty armor on my side of the bed as a not-so-subtle hint to clean it?_

_Thanks,_

_Merlin.'_

_-_

'_Merlin,_

_Will you clean my armor on time, then? And where did you go this morning? Why did you leave a letter instead of just asking?_

_Yours,_

_Arthur.'_

_-_

'_Arthur,_

_I had to run errands. You know, picking up saddle oil, after you left the saddle on my pillow. A new sword cloth, after you laid the sword under the covers. Thanks, by the way. I cut my hand, so then I had to strip the covers off and take them to the laundry because I've got blood on them. And I won't be able to make it for dinner tonight. I'll have somebody else send it up._

_(Regretfully) Yours,_

_Merlin.'_

_-_

'_That's too bad, Merlin. I had plans for us tonight. Look on your side of the bed again. Maybe you'll get the not-so-subtle hint again._

_Anyways, off to training,_

_Arthur.'_

_-_

'_Oh god, Arthur. You're a pervert. Really? I thought you could do better than a pair of shackles. I guess I gave you too much credit. Honestly, good try though.'_

_-_

'_So is that a yes?'_

_-_

'…_Yes.'_


	10. Song Series 1

**Disclaimer: **BBC own 'em, I just play with 'em.

**Author's Note: **This is the first of my 'song ficlets.' And they're not really 'song fics,' rather than a drabble inspired by a song. I just put my mp3 on shuffle and wrote a drabble inspired by whatever song happened to come up.

**Summary**: Song – 'We Will Become Silhouettes' by The Postal Service. Takes place during ep. 12 of series 2. Told from Morgana's POV while Arthur and Merlin are still away.

**Warnings: **Not as silly as all my other ones. Blame it on the song. Also, spoilers.

**---**

She didn't know what was happening. Why was everyone just…just dropping like dead flies? Why did she feel like this was her fault? She hadn't _meant _for this to happen. She only wanted Uther gone.

All these other people, they were innocent. They didn't deserve this.

She wandered numbly, looking into the faces of people who were supposed to be her friends. People who she grew up with. And the quiet was suffocating. Unbearable.

She yelled, just to hear her own echo in the too quiet halls. If she yelled loud enough, she could pretend it was somebody yelling back.


	11. Song Series 2

**Disclaimer:** BBC owns 'em, I just play with 'em.

**Author's Note**: Second in the song series.

**Summary:** Song – 'Gold Digger' by Kanye West (Glee Cast Version)

**Warnings**: Song titles being interpreted quite literally, booty ogling.

---

"Merlin, what _are _you doing?" Arthur asked, staring at the glorious sight that was his boyfriend bent over a chest, digging through the contents of said chest, and dancing none-too-gracefully.

Merlin shot up, bumping his head on the chest and cursing, "Ow! Don't scare me like that!" he hissed, rubbing his forehead.

"What were you doing?" Arthur asked again.

"Uh," Merlin was holding something behind his back.

"_Mer_lin, don't hide stuff from me," Arthur warned.

"Fine! I was looking for this!" and Merlin threw a small velvet box at him, and nestled inside was a fine golden band.

"I do."


	12. Stiff Upper Lip, Merlin

**Disclaimer: **Nope, not mine, no way. I'm not the BBC, are you the BBC?

**Author's Note: **My inner-thirteen year old boy came out in full force for this one. Forgive me.

**Summary**: Arthur won't shut up.

**Warnings: **Double entendre heavy. Really heavy.

---

"Merlin, you're too flaccid, you need to stiffen up a bit," Arthur snapped, correcting Merlin's stance with a few nudges of his knee.

Merlin coughed into his fist and blushed, before following Arthur's instruction, fixing his grip on the sword and adjusted his feet. He began running through the motions again.

"No no no! Merlin, _stiffen_ up! Come on!" Arthur barked. Merlin glared and blushed some more.

"Stiffer, Merlin. Come on, you _do _know the meaning of _stiff _don't you?" Arthur drawled.

"Oh god, can you stop saying that word, Arthur?"

"What word…_stiff_?"

"Shut up!" Merlin launched himself at Arthur.

---

Merlin lay sprawled out on the ground, sweaty and panting and altogether too uncomfortable and achy.

He barely reacted when Arthur dropped to his side, nudging his leg with his boot. "That was better than usual," he commented.

"Oh, _thank you_, sire," Merlin grumbled. He fought the urge to glare at Arthur the best he could.

"Really, Merlin. You're improving. You really _stiffened_ up, very commendable," Arthur informed him with the straightest face he could.

Merlin groaned and threw his arm over his flushed face, turning away from the prince, "Have I told you lately how much I hate you?"


	13. I Don't Dance

**Disclaimer: **…Screw you BBC. I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I love you.

**Author's Note: **I imagine Arthur would have to dance at some kind of formal function for visiting foreign dignitaries or whatever. And I also imagine him sucking at it quite thoroughly. And yeah, I stole the title from HSM2, so sue me…

**Summary**: Arthur doesn't want to dance.

**Warnings: **Implied Arthur knowing about Merlin's magic.

---

"Turn him into a newt," Arthur commanded, looking as serious as his father as he glowered at Merlin.

Merlin looked up from his place on the floor, where he'd been merrily scrubbing away by hand, "Pardon?" he blinked owlishly up at the prince.

"Maybe not a newt, a rabbit. And then I could hunt him. Or maybe a mouse, and we could give him to a kitchen cat," Arthur mused.

"Who are we talking about again?" Merlin asked.

"My father."

"I can't turn the king into a newt!"

"He wants me to dance."

"I've seen you dance. I vote rabbit."


	14. Song Series 3

**Disclaimer: **BBC owns 'em, I just play with 'em.

**Author's Note: **Takes place early on in series 1, told from Gwen's perspective, when they were still playing the whole Merlin/Gwen angle.

**Summary**: Song – 'Crush' by Mandy Moore (Glee Cast Version)

**Warnings: **None! Unless you count an unrequited crush.

---

Gwen wondered if Merlin really did have a mental affliction. Gaius swore to her that he didn't. She thought otherwise.

She was practically _throwing _herself at him. She wasn't a hussy or anything, it was just rare that they got some fresh meat around here that was as young and adorable as Merlin.

Then she wondered if Merlin maybe preferred men, after she had kissed him. But he didn't seem to react to Arthur's advances either.

She eventually came to the conclusion that he was just hopelessly oblivious. And then she set her eyes on a bigger and better prize.


	15. Would, That I Could

**Disclaimer: **Nope, not mine, no way. I'm not the BBC, are you the BBC?

**Author's Note: **It's been so long since I put up a drabble! I've been busy with sequels and trying to set up a LiveJournal (and failing). But I missed my drabbles!

**Summary**: Merlin reads some truly awful poetry.

**Warnings: **Spoilers for 2x10, if you haven't seen it yet. (And horrible, HORRIBLE poetry written by yours truly.)

xxx

Merlin took a deep breath, holding out the flowery paper in front of him before he began to read,

"'_I would that I could, love you more_

'_Love every gold thread of your head_

'_Love every glint of your blue eyes_

'_Love every breath you breathe_

_Love every—'"_

"Please, please stop, Merlin, _oh god_, please stop!" Arthur was clutching his sides. He reached up to wipe tears from his eyes.

Merlin scoffed at Arthur, before shoving the paper away and grinning, shaking his head at the prince.

Arthur sighed, "I do so love when Olaf brings Vivian to visit!"


	16. Arse, Liver, Spleen, Heart

**Disclaimer: **Nope, not mine, no way. I'm not the BBC, are you the BBC?

**Author's Note: **And another! Boy howdy! Also, if you wanna check out my LiveJournal, it's 'PhunkThisNoise' there, too.

**Summary**:Merlin views himself as a bit of an arse .

**Warnings: **Overuse of the words 'arse' and 'figurative.'

xxx

Merlin had started viewing himself as Arthur's arse, figuratively, after about four months in his service. Despite their seemingly random tender moments, Arthur still treated Merlin as his figurative arse.

Merlin didn't term it as 'shadow' because people don't notice shadows much. Arses you did; they'd get pinched and criticized, like Merlin did. He was a necessary evil to Arthur.

When he voiced his concern to Gwen, and Arthur had overheard, his only reply was, 'Nonsense, you're more like my liver or spleen; necessary inside bits nobody really thinks about.'

Eventually Merlin learned that 'liver' or 'spleen' actually meant 'heart.'


End file.
